we'll always have idaho falls

this is officially the last night living in this apartment and in this town.

good bye and good riddance.

seriously.

holiday hawk

santa deserves the same treatment

broken vow

i was supposed to stop smoking yesterday at 3 p.m.

nevermind, i like it too much.

but i could if i wanted to...
...i just don't want to.

chocolate sucks

after renewing my contract with verizon, i was given a new lg cherry chocolate phone for free. sure it looks sexy and has a myriad of bells and whistles but overall the phone is crap. here's why:

1. heat sensitive touch pad does not work with gloves and is so touchy, my big fat fingers have sent several accidental texts and have called friends at 7 a.m. trying to turn off the alarm.

2. supposed to be a "revolutionary" mp3 player. sure, if the $30 connection kit and $70 power house battery are purchased.

3. there's no flash for the camera? says "night mode," but no difference in a picture taken in that mode or regular mode.

i kind of miss my ghetto phone.

absinthe

thanks to degas for providing me with an appropriate image to represent how i feel today...

that's all she wrote...for now.

last paper, last test, last lecture.

done done done.

for three glorious weeks that is.

thank you to all the friends who helped me push through this semester, i look forward to your continuing support through the next one. and the next one. and the next one...

cheers.

what the jack mormon brings to the family reunion...

coffee jello!

mmm! mmm!

gotta love "old fashioned" media panic spread!

a public birthday greeting

happy birthday to one of my best friends, blandella.

one year ago we were living it up ghetto style complete with fake cake and balloon sculpture. thanks for being who you are and by my side as well as for the copious amounts of delicious memories.

i love ya lots.

return of banana phone

charlie the unicorn

first cd ever?

syndie asks her text friends forever: what was the first cd you purchased? and here's the results:

kris kross
billy joel "river of dreams"
depeche mode
erasure
paula abdul "blowin' kisses"
guns and roses "appetite for destruction"
enya
dc "talk"
take that "take that and party"
the presidents of the united states
proclaimers
boyz II men
vanilla ice


and just cuz i have some older friends, (hehe) here's some of the first cassette tapes purchased:

grease soundtrack
prince "purple rain"
michael jackson "thriller"
beastie boys "license to ill"
run dmc "raising hell"
cher's greatest hits (complete with choreography)
brain sync "meditation"
debbie gibson "electronic youth"

and me? the real mccoy "not another night" and 311, bought simultaneously. i think my first tape that i bought on my own was *gulp* alanis morisette "jagged little pill" but i had all the safety kids tapes before i rocked out to the non-ironic "ironic."

"all you gotta say is no, whoa. all you gotta say is no!" *giggle* those silly safety kids...

is that syndie in the kitchen?!

yes it was, but *disclaimer alert* this in no way indicates a return to the domestic sphere i shunned several years ago.

yesterday i made jambalaya under the close supervision of j.b. and if i don't say so myself, it was jambalaya-gasmic. (that was for you blandella)

it was not as complicated and un-doable as i thought and the folks that came to eat thought it was fantastic as well. go me.

alas, now my stomach feels as if it has been ran over a cheese grater thanks to the quarter cup of cayenne and 18 serranos added to the mix.

next up: curry.

south africa gets it right, where are we?

click here to read the bbc article that makes me say yet again damn these puritanical roots of ours...

74 bands

apparently, this picture represents 74 bands. i've found... not that many, yet.
give me time. the wallpaper can be found and downloaded here.

the last halloween. ever.

image by syndie a.

the witching time of night has passed and the pumpkins have been retired. the lord of the pumpkin patch has returned to his brooding, only to await the coming of the next all hallow's eve. and there was much wailing, gnashing of teeth, and alcohol consumed. it's a shame that halloween will never come again. ever.

someday we'll find it...

image by syndie a.

...the rainbow connection in the form of a birthday cake made for timmy by his so cool mom.
happy birthday timmy, i love you!

buy nothing day

apparently, it's officially "buy nothing" day, a protest against rampant consumerism. just read zola's the ladies paradise for the motivation to reconsider shopping habits, and then buy nothing.

run minions, flock to the wal-mart for the ten dollar made in china clock radio!

where's my cookie?

i did my dishes. i expect a gift-wrapped cookie to appear on my doorstep tomorrow morning.

explain this joke, get a dollar

q. which garden has the most vegetables?

a. flash garden.

i don't get it.

indecisive no more

english...speech
english...speech
english...speech

not going to pick one, going to do them both. i like pain.

day of mourning

hjr2 passed. my state is stupid. i reserve all whining, griping, and complaining rights.

remember, remember...

image by syndie a.

...the fifth of november. the gunpowder treason and plot. i see no reason, this gunpowder and treason should ever be forgot.

welcome to guy fawkes day! in 1605 a plan to blow up parliment was foiled and a man named guy fawks, believed to be involved, was captured, tortured and executed.

each year, effigies of mr. fawkes are burned around the country to honor the safety of the royal family, however, i wonder if there isn't a bit of celebrating in these contemporary times considering how some english folk feel about government...

and a note about the rhyme, it was around longer than v for vendetta, a movie that while definitely visually stimulating had some significant gaps in the plot, but worthwhile just to hear hugo weaving's voice.

obsess much?

according to the oxford american dictionary, obsession is "a persistent idea that dominates a person's thoughts."

since thought observation is still miles away from exact, thoughts are probably best understood through actions.

let's examine a recent obsession charge leveled at me:

"you are obsessed" (this is the claim)

i am acing quizes, tests, and papers, with two b's amongst i've-lost-track a's.
kellyn and i are best buds and hang out all day during the week.
i have constant contact with long-time friends.
i chat via telephone or skype with other long-time friends not in the immediate vicinity.
i read for pleasure, finishing about a book per week on top of my school work.
i blog, i shower, i clean the flat, i make dinner.
i'm pushing forward with changing my program at school, which is turning out to be more complicated process than i planned.

so here's my question, if i'm "obsessed," then how come other thoughts are swirling in my head causing me to accomplish a variety of tasks?

more later... as usual.

the tender bar: a review

j.r. moehringer's book the tender bar is a gut-grabbing memoir that is exceptionally well written. his use of metaphor speaks back to Aristotle's claim that folks who master the metaphor are geniuses.

he describes the bar patrons as "pickled people marinating in their own regret," he writes about his mother and her relationship to truth, which requires "compromise," and the security blanket metaphor, where his mother snips a bit away each night in order to decrease his dependency on it is poetically connected to how she sends him back to new york each summer, decreasing his dependency on her.

while i did not have the same visceral response as the friend who lent me the book, i can understand why he did. and he off-handedly mentioned how he now realizes where he's going, which perplexes me because i don't know to which character, which life-story he is referring.

in any case, it's worth a read, for the bar descriptions, for the pearls of wisdom picked up from people society would regard as shady or unreliable, and the search for mentors, where ever they hide.

a lesson on fear

am reading a potentially profound* memoir by j.r. moehringer entitled the tender bar, and here's a lesson from the text for today:

"you must do everything that frightens you JR. everything. i'm not talking about risking your life, but everything else. think about fear, decide right now how you're going to deal with fear, because fear is going to be the great issue of your life, i promise you. fear will be the fuel for all your success, and the root cause of all your failures, and the underlying dilemma in every story you tell yourself about yourself. and the only change you'll have against fear? follow it. steer by it. don't think of fear as the villain. think of fear as your guide, your pathfinder...(133)."

considering i am in the middle of changing my grad program, i find this passage especially motivating.

*not finished yet and as usual, revision rights reserved.

is that a popsicle in your pocket...

image by unknown

the caption under this picture read, "jack frost's popsicles make up in size what they lack in flavor." thanks to k.h. for providing the book that contained this little gem.

pumpkin d'art

image by syndie a.

i was unable to attend j.b.'s annual pumpkin carving party, however i did visit the next day to evaluate the aftermath of drunks with knives, and i must admit they produced a stunning array.

eenie meenie miney mo...

english...
communication and rhetorical studies...
english...
communication and rhetorical studies...
english...
communication and rhetorical studies...
english...
communication and rhetorical studies...
english...

five little words

text question:

from tomorrow on, you will only be allowed to speak five words of your choosing. all other words will not be able to pass from your lips. you have five, what five do you choose?

"clown's climbing through syndie's window"
"go and fuck yourself running"
"what? when? where? why? how?"
"fuck, eat, shit, love, head"
"give, hurt, explore, create, be"
"toilet, fuck, food, yes, no"

more as they trickle in. feel free to add non-texters.

just talking things out

during the week, i feel i am amazing, productive, and focused. then the weekend hits and i fall apart. i don't know what to do with myself and i make stupid choices and then i lie about them and it all unravels like a wal-mart sweater and it's getting worse... until today. in the last two weeks, i have become estranged from my two best friends, logic and reason.

i have to quit someone and the first step is admitting, right?

im in love with _______.

there. admitted.

now what?

imagine life with _______. within six months, where would i be? i would become one of the disgusting weak women i despise and want to violently shake into some sense.

say hello to alcoholism.
say hello to smoking two packs a day.
say hello to television.
say goodbye to independence.
say goodbye to veganism.
say goodbye to writing.

i quit. and none of this friends business because this is not how i interact with my other friends. we lean on each other, we support each other, we share in victory and defeat, it's give and take and with ______, it's always about his victories, his defeats, his foibles, his issues, his concerns, his plans, his food, his hobbies, his desires, his friends, his dog, his wants, his needs, his his his.

ah.. emotion, that treacherous siren, quietly yet seductively encroaches and unpacks, first leaving behind a toothbrush, then a change of underwear, and then suddenly the klimts are replaced with savage garden posters and chintz curtains hang in place of wooden blinds. then it's too late, for self has succumbed to her wiles.

im inviting reason and logic over for dinner tonight for a long needed chat about how to curb emotion's penchant for dominance.

where's my inner rosie? reaching deep into my feminist training for every tool, every device, every theory to keep logic and reasoning well into the night and every night.

temper tantrum: lending a voice

the friend i mentioned yesterday has been asked by his work, the place that fired him because he's gay, to submit a letter of resignation. when he told me, i emphatically "no'd" him.

support is gathering. and while legally there is little to no recourse, we sure can throw one hell of a tantrum.

more later...

update: while i respect your decision to avoid media attention, i think your story needs to be shared. please reconsider because if we are to ever change anything, sometimes we have to get messy. i love you and am thinking about you.

outraged angry insensed irate

a good friend of mine, in possession of an outstanding work ethic, was fired today because he was gay.

lame.

in idaho, the discrimination laws exclude sexuality and gender (thanks to blandella for this info), so an employer can legally say these words, "i am firing you because you are gay."

lame. lame. lame.

this is what powerless feels like.

i'm sorry c.m.

blog brag: scene i

i try not to brag but right now i can't resist.

"i enjoyed reading your paper so much that i didn't want to stop- and didn't feel the need to stop- to write anything in the margins....it's in your writing and forceful argumentation that the paper really shines...are you sure you don't want a master's in english?"
(and obviously the grade was an A)

ahh.. and while i know i am only as good as my next paper, it's satisfying to recline for a good thirty seconds and enjoy the validation as well as reflect on how i am right where i need to be after mid-semester anxiety bounced around in my head like a stray bullet in a metal shop.

idahomo

guess who got outted today?

ooh! ooh! pick me! pick me! i know the answer!

i defer to blandella for this one: hypocrisy revealed

take the day off

i gave kellyn two options this morning: a. she could get up, get dressed, grab her backpack and go to school or b. i could call the school, tell them she wasn't feeling well and then take her to breakfast and a movie to make her feel better.

she's smart so we went to breakfast, hit a thrift store, then walked to the theatre, which i believed was not too far until an hour later we arrived (only to find the place closed ARGH!) and i realized we were clear down by the mall.

all was not lost as we sat at a cafe and drank our coffee and perused magazines resting up for the journey home.

thanks kellyn.

as the goo oozes

yesterday while cruising around downtown with kellyn, she noticed green goo oozing from my back tire. i had somehow punctured the wheel and the slime inside the tube, its purpose: to resist thorns, was escaping. when i moved the bike forward, the mess began spurting out with an awful hissing sound. i was not impressed.

i walked my cruiser back to the flat with kellyn riding next to me the entire way giggling to herself. sometime, i didn't know when, i was going to have to take it in and have it fixed.

then today, in my basket, wrapped in a torn plastic bag, was a new tube and bottle of tube sealant (the green goo). on the tube box it said, "courtesy of [male name and an apartment number]."

it's moments like this when i have to step back and appreciate humanity although cynical syndie always raises an eyebrow, asking questions like "why take credit?" or "why are you paying attention to me?"

ah well.. at least my bike will be up and running sooner than expected.

what do you wear to bed?

kellyn: there's a boy outside and his name's rj
syndie: what's rj stand for?
(brief pause)
kellyn: rancid jammies?

god, i'm glad i got a smart one.

post-it haiku

enticing virgin square
harbor for laconic thought
affixed chaos in yellow

this haiku dedicated to c.m. and c.p. for their love of post-it's that mirrors my own.

i give you my body

i am officially donating my body when i die to the my university's anatomical donation program. i filled out the form, had two witnesses sign it and have a little card to carry in my wallet to prove that "i hereby declare that i wish my body to be turned over immediately after death to the university as an anatomical gift to be preserved and used for purposes of medical studies, teaching and research."

my only condition is that they refrain from laughing at any butt zits i may have at the time of death.

one year ago today...

...i was in england and had just discovered i could perch on my window ledge and have a semi-decent view of the city and street below. i sat, smoked, wrote, hollered at passing friends, ignored drunken wailing, and winced at the click-clack of heels on cobblestone. sometimes when i was feeling nostalgic, i would belt out maybe from the musical annie.

i still have "syndie in the window" time but now it's more like "syndie in an uncomfortable chair at her over-flowing desk" time.

ah well...

flak for your coffee?

at a local restaurant today, i asked kellyn if she wanted coffee. she said no thank you, which elicited a laugh and a "good girl" from the server. i calmly commented that kellyn did drink coffee and that i freely allowed her to do so.

the server's apologetic eyes bobbed up and down with her head as she back peddled, stammering out "oh, that's good."

she then asked kellyn if she wanted a soda...

go figure.

disappearing greens

spinach is off the list and now lettuce is suspicious (read article here)

the rule of st. syndie: prelude

sex is at the bottom of the hierarchy next to food, water, air, sleep, body temp regulation, and disposal of bodily waste.

love is two levels up.

based on maslow, it can be safely assumed sex does not equal love and love does not equal sex.

remember: the needs on the bottom begin the entire process and as each level is met, one can move on to the next, all the way up to self actualization.

so back to the sex thing...

issue: fuck buddies: do they ever work? how do they work? what does it take to maintain a friendship with benefits?

i've got to think some more about this before i load the verbal shotgun and shoot it at blogger, but i will be back...

where are you?

my tff's (text friends forever) have responded to the following question:

if you could be anywhere right now, where would you be?

"fucking your mom"
"heli-skiing"
"behind a crystal clear waterfall in hawaii, having sex"
"spending time with friends"
"the bahamas"
"congressman foley's apartment for hot sex"
"in your pants, haha"
"on the beach"
"korfu, greece reading the latest margaret atwood"


i'll update as more roll in, feel free to add those of you who refuse to add texting to your phones, or for other reasons are unable to text me.

and just a note, i see the a recurring sex theme. some of you feeling frustrated?

tangled webs

a hobo spider bit me. it hurt but thanks to j.b. for the benedryl tip. while i'm still sore, the pain is decreasing.

note to all hobo victims: you get bit, take some benedryl and watch the bite area. if it gets bigger, redder, worse or you start to feel sick, have it checked. steroid treatments might be in order at this point.

image from here

for those of you in the know about certain stuff, this post has more going for it than what's on the surface...

mid semester crumble

a public thank you to j.w. for the dinner the other night, it was amazing and much appreciated.

it never fails, every semester around the middle, something snaps and for about a week or so i am useless, sharply questioning why i'm where i'm at.

then it passes and i finish like a champ, but i couldn't if it weren't for pals with water-proof shoulders and mad cooking skills.

to all the friends who have listened to the mid-term whine, the "i can't do this" speech, and tolerated the "it'll never end" tears, thank you thank you and thank you some more.

let's talk about sex

sexting: sexual texting.

that's mine and you cannot use it unless i get a dollar for every time you do.

proposal

do my laundy, get a dollar.

feeling the bend

i was asked to be part of a tenure committee, which means i get to provide input on a professor who is up for tenure. not a great deal of input, but it's still pretty cool. it's one of my favorite professors and anything i can do to help this person out, is an honor. it will also give me an inside look at how one attains the role of, in the words of a sarcastic bastard i consider a good friend, "tic."

this does mean, however, i have just put more on my already full plate and am starting to wonder how i will make time for everything else.

is this the bend that comes before the crack that comes before the break? and i was going to quit smoking at the end of this semester...

t-shirt idea, by syndie

i heart stingrays.

when being single sucks

i am single three days a week. the other four, it's me and kellyn, but when the weekend rolls around, its just me and i like it. i like coming into my little flat, knowing that it's all mine, with no one to take care of but me, no one to cook for but me, no one to please, but me.

and then a fever spikes.
and the warm saliva begins.
and the inability to feel warm in a 90 degree room.

it sucks to be sick when you're single. your friends feel bad, they wish you well, they offer advice, but they will not touch you or come near you for anything. it is only the love-sick fool that tucks you in, smooths your greasy, sweat-soaked hair back, spoon feeds you miso soup and keeps the green tea flowing.

i've been flogged

(come on, puking with no food in your stomach? what's the point of that?) anyway...

i <3 flogging molly. met them at the greywhale exchange in slc then attended the concert they put on at redfest at the university of utah.

one note to the lame punked out teenager full of angst and tragedy: your mom called, she wants you home right now.

seriously. you think i'm kidding?

i like a fair amount of punk music, however, and this direct from the sore thumb's mouth:

those of you who use it as part of your "i'm the only victim this world has ever seen" routine, you are, SURPRISE!, not unique. but you will not learn that lesson young grasshopper till later and all i'll have is the satisfaction of knowing i was right.

and i'm comfortable with that.


shout out to j.b. for the tip off about the greywhale where i actually was able to sit outside and chat with the accordion player for a few minutes about the historical context of some of the music.

yeah i'm 3/4 nerd and fuckin' proud.

keep me safe

i just realized that the previous post speaks back to a much larger issue at stake. safety. everyone wants to be safe. they do not want to experience pain. they do not want physical pain, emotional pain. they do not want first and foremost themselves followed closely by the people they love to come in contact with pain of any kind.

it has become all about how to stay safe. how to keep our children safe. how to prevent or cure pain. cliche's like no pain no gain and work through the pain sound good in theory, but their devoted followers are few.

we are turning into one big padded room, to protect us from each and every scratch and bump and bruise and bloody nose, physical as well as emotional because we value safety that much.

we invent and look to inventors to continue sating our desire for safety. i mentioned hiding behind a computer or a cell phone to minimize the pain associated with making new friends. but it does not end there. our playgrounds, our schools, our vehicles, our clothing, name something! what has not been manipulated to provide the most safety and security? if someone could put rubber corners on post-it notes to eliminate paper-cuts, they'd do it.

more later after i go puke my freaking guts out...

myspace as springboard: draft 1

i'll give myspace one prop, for the music connections it provides, but even this is a small prop and beyond that i am not prepared to acknowledge anything else positive about myspace. i echo the reasons blandella articulates and would like to offer my own, open to revision of course.

what is happening to our face to face contact? i see myspace as just another brick in the wall this society is erecting to provide distance between ourselves, to assure safety and security in making friends, contacts, and romantic relationships. the risk is greatly decreased or altogether eradicated when one hides in the comfort of their home or cubicle and attempts to reach out.

since little or nothing is at stake, the reward is lessened and there can be no growth. it is in the process of opening one's self up to vulnerability and placing one's self on the line, risking everything that personal growth takes place. consider the couple that meets online.

they enter a shallow pool, and by shallow i do not mean small, i mean safe. they swim around till they find another swimming in the same pool who shares their interests, hobbies, and ideologies about politics, religion, and children, to name a few. they believe they have found someone with whom they can live quite happily with and maybe they have. they send a few tentative emails and only after they have been guaranteed invulnerability, they meet.

they continue their meetings and head towards the altar where they sing the praises of internet dating. but where at any time, did they take a risk? where was the awkwardness and the uncomfortable anxiety that melts away over time to reveal a deeper inner confidence because they were open for attack but through time and strategy, managed to avoid?

this is not to say that attacks do not happen. they do and the short of is, they suck. they leave one winded, exhausted, craving validation and attention. tears, food, whether in excess or in absence, sleepless nights, wounding self doubt and insecurity are often by-products of living through a relationship attack. and i repeat, they suck, however, it is in that suffering that produces the stronger, the more observant, the wiser, and the life lesson that will be added to the stack of life lessons learned thus far.

the "friendship" one acquires on myspace, engenders a false sense of value. i am valuable because if i was not valuable, then why do i have as many friends as i have? is this how we make value judgements now? based on the amount of material one puts out on the internet? even as i write this, i hear the condemnation arising, accusing me of the same crime. and maybe i am guilty, maybe i am not.

i mentioned earlier that i viewed myspace as another brick in a metaphorical wall. within the same structure reside emails and texts. i myself have been lulled into the safety of texting, minimizing my contact with human beings, thereby lessening my chances for getting hurt whether it be a friendship or a romantic relationship. there is so much that is lost when people begin to rely solely on electronic forms of communication and emotions do not make up the deficit.

nuance and body language and grammar are three particular items that suffer when one chooses to text/email instead of seeking out the person they wish to talk to and meeting with them face to face.

what about the telephone? even this device has seen its share of being ignored in favor of texting. now even just talking to a person on the phone is hazardous and potentially opens one for attack. we are losing in person contact with silencing the voice contact right behind it. what if these patterns continue? shall i carry them to their logical conclusion?

soon all americans own not one but multiple computers as well as the most sophisticated cellular phones that do not have the capability for voice communication because with texting rates through the roof, what's the point of having it? as the need decreases, so must the technology search for methods to elimination. society become quiet. we forget how to talk, how to speak to another, to speak at all is a shock that reverberates in our ears like chalkboard nails and we sanction the government to ban it altogether. but we do not do this with signs at washington's gate, we email, we text our congressfolk, demanding the silence.

silly, i know, and pulling it back a bit to the here and now, how do relationships suffer in our text frenzy? instead of calling a friend to check on them, instead of making the trip to their house, where you might be invited in for tea and intellectual discourse, you text a one liner to them, "you okay?" the person may text back, "yeah." and that's the end of the exchange even though the person who said yeah is vomiting up the contents of their stomach every five minutes.

misunderstandings arise frequently inside a text conversation and while email elicits confusion as well, it is the limit of space inside a text that make it so much more prone to causing problems. inside an email, one has more space, similar to that of a letter, and this is where people get in trouble. they write letters differently than they do emails. a letter evokes an old world, (old world...wow) sensibility and thus they are apt to choose their words more carefully, crafting each sentence with always an eye focused toward the reader. in an email, with the speed that it is delivered along with the speed anything it contains can be rectified immediately, they are more carelessly produced with the writer often not considering their reader in the least. they are merely trying to get their point across, knowing they can somehow fix it later if the need arises.

within a text, the potential for misunderstanding increases greatly. since there are only so many characters allowed, the texter has to be brief and yet get a point across. they tap out their message, sometimes re-reading it, believing it is what they want to say, and they hit send only to be texted back a "?." then they have to try again, sometimes they succeed, other times they do not. pretending for a moment that all texts were perfect in nature, that they conveyed each and every thing they were meant to, that no confusion was ever caused. is this how we want to express love and friendship with our nearests and dearests?

what about their antithesis, anger and disappointment? "you okay?" "just a little upset." "why?" what can be the response but a superficial reason containing little substance? even if the person succeeds in conveying their anger to the other, how can the other ever really trust or know fully, the extent of the hurt? they cannot. when nuance is omitted, the conversation changes, the content changes and meaning is lost. when body-language is omitted, when the voice is silenced, the meaning is lost.

so what if meaning is lost? when meaning is lost, when conclusions are reached, we carry them with us and they influence not only our words but our actions as well. we hear something inside an electronic message and no matter what the other person does to attempt to revise, we adhere, doggedly, to the first impression we received, what we perceived them to mean. what we do after that can take many forms from distancing ourselves further to spreading false images to others to a myriad of other actions that only assist in widening the gap.

i understand that there is mis-communication inside face to face to contact as well, but consider the ramifications of this versus those of texting/emailing/myspacing. an altercation arises between two people. one person, having the bigger problem, contacts the other and asks if they can talk. they meet, the problem is presented, they discuss, they argue, and at worst they get mad and defensive and hateful, swearing to never talk to that person again, which is what can happen inside a text conversation. i offer the following difference referring to an earlier sentiment.

the person who reached out, who risked themselves, who opened themselves up for attack versus the person who cowered behind their phone, punching in buttons, safe, secure, saving face, pride, and ego all at once. who is the better? or is there not a better, only different? i posit that the one taking on the risk of appearing vulnerable, wrong, uptight, demanding, while someone is watching is going to learn the greater lesson thereby achieving the greater personal growth, able to tackle more of what life spews at them than the other who shielded themselves from the scary and nerve-rattling.

as i write this, my phone is turned off and i am merely using this forum in which to get thoughts and theories down, while i work to refine and question them, preparing to take them to the table and present them to others who will argue, probe for fallacies, and offer insight. i am challenging myself, alone, to break away from the text habit i have developed, to stop being such a god damn chicken where people are concerned and realize and embrace the idea that feeling vulnerable can be beneficial and take me further along the road than sealing up the cracks and hiding.

liar

i asked my texting friends to lie to me and the one with the best lie would get a dollar. so far these are the lies i have recieved:

"____ is so cute." (had to edit this one, but there will be folks who get it)
"fake breasts"
"the pope sparks furor" (i had to clarify this one, apparently its from a news headline)
"my ass smells like sunshine all the time. even in a tent"
"i had sex with paris hilton"
"you're pretty" (with a just kidding attached)
"sharks make good pets"
"it wasn't me"
"it's a curling iron burn.. several of them. yes i am a guy with a curling iron." (and this stays until you resend the text, hickey boy)
"oh my god oh my god, bruce willis just came in and bought a crap load of rocks oh my god oh my god"


i'll add more as they come in... then i'll make a decision and one lucky liar will get a dollar.

beautiful and lame

how many words are running around, oozing love ideologies,
wafting through radios, cinemas, letters, sadistically permeating and
luring the independent heart into submission, into bondage, into believing it's so easy?

too many to count.
numbers are irrelevant.

impact: applying a formula and entertaining frustration when it fails. miserably.

all i've learned is that it's all simultaneously beautiful and lame. i don't expect to learn much more. i'm merely here for the experience now, feeling my way through each individual moment, looking to be content in whichever moment i'm presented with.

"i hear ya, i hear ya, but don't be all butt-hurt when i don't fly out of my chair to answer the door, for i might be in the middle of being strong and sane and unable to receive guests."

on coffee: section 1

"how old is she?"
is there an age limit for coffee now?

here honey, have this 152 oz. cup of soda, with free refills, but don't drink coffee because it's not healthy.

time to hit the science journals...

"one study, conducted by the harvard university school of public health, shows that the risk for developing type II diabetes is lower among regular coffee drinkers."

"predominantly in epidemiological studies, there have been associations between coffee consumption and lowered rates of certain illnesses, like suicide, parkinson's disease, alzheimer's, type II diabetes, colon cancer and heart disease."

"caffeine is also what helps in treating asthma and headaches."

"a study from brazil found that children who drank coffee everyday were less likely to suffer depression."

okay, so let's compare that to soda... do i really have to or is it clear enough? i think it's obvious but i will post sources for the above claims as well as some research on soda just to make it glaringly apparent that me giving coffee to kellyn is not child abuse as some local bakery shop workers would like to imply.

stay tuned...

nothing doing popeye

in my fridge is an unopened bag of spinach, which i am going to throw away rather than risk giving kellyn and i ecoli. if it were just me, i might just wash it real well, even though they say that wont help, and eat it anyway, but risking kellyn's health is a different, well bag of spinach.
i wonder how much of this is legitimate and how much is that tasty toast topper, media panic spread... thanks to j.b. for the information though; i haven't been keeping up with my current events since school started and i rely heavily on news relayed from friends. here's the link for an update on the ecoli issue: CNN.com - E. coli outbreak spreads to 10th state - Sep 15, 2006*

bush assassinated

apparently, channel 4 in england is doing a tv docudrama about the future assassination of george w. bush. you can read about it here. and of course, (shocker) there's a few who are less than impressed.

who was jesus?

i sent this question out via text to several people i know. here are the responses i have recieved so far. names have been excluded for privacy. i have also edited for clarity on some of the answers.

"said to be the son of god"
"a friend of mine on myspace"
"some black guy"
"a person"
"a guy"
"a tent evangelist with no tent who did magic tricks"
"servant to mohammed"
"bored alien looking for fame"
"a jew that lived a long time ago"
"the mexican that sold me crack"
"my illigitimate child, because i am god"
"the man who can't high five because if when he does, he whistles"

feel free to add anything...

i lied

myspace deleted. just not me.

the pope's penis

it hangs deep in his robes, a delicate
clapper at the center of a bell.
it moves when he moves, a ghostly fish in a
halo of silver seaweed, the hair
swaying in the dark and the heat -- and at night
while his eyes sleep, it stands up
in praise of god.

-sharon olds

birthday collage, take one

images by syndie a.

happy happy birthday, matty dear. happy days will come to you all year. if i had one wish then it would be: a happy happy birthday to you from me!

(i thought the mormon kids birthday song was appropriate considering the theme of the bash)

blanket moratorium memo

i repeat: i am not interested in using this or any other site as a tool to develope romantic/sexual relationships.

thank you for your understanding.

management

so you like movies eh?

www.iwatchstuff.com

our father in heaven...

...christ. i'm reading the bible and the last time i poured over the words of mathew, mark, luke, and john, i was reading for religious instruction. now, however, i am reading for historical/anthropological/literary reasons and it's an entirely different bag of peanuts.

another difference is supplementing the traditional bible with gospels that were excluded such as the gospel of mary and the coptic gospel of thomas where i found the following tidbit:

114. simon peter said to them, "let mary leave us, for women are not worthy of life." jesus said, "i myself shall lead her in order to make her male, so that she too may become a living spirit resembling you males. for every woman who will make herself male will enter the kingdom of heaven."

jesus was so gay. no wonder i never felt threatened by him.

"well aren't we the little joiner?"

blah blah myspace
blah blah said i wouldn't

now maybe i'll make some friends! (said in a lilting, sugary, cheerleader voice)

however, even though i have succumbed to the not quite dark, but rather dim, side, i shall remain faithful to my dear old blog here at blogger. the myspace page will merely act as a sign redirecting folks here.

gimmie a M! gimmie a Y! gimmie a... god damn fork with which to gouge out my eyes...

insomniacs do it all night

its 3 am... im awake... again.

this time im not fighting it. cigarettes and coffee galore, so there! take that, insomnia! that'll show it.

i am falling in love with philosophy.

i do not like people who manipulate because it's a trait i have been attempting to eradicate within myself.

my friend had knee surgery. he will pick the scab when he's not supposed to.

kellyn has been getting in trouble at school for talking. go figure.

flogging molly is my current favorite band. "then the rosary beads, count them 1, 2, 3, fell apart as they hit the floor."

i bought banana sauce at an asian food market. it looks like ketchup.

i have sucessfully kept nine plants alive over the last four months. they aren't fake either.

a friend came out to me. i gravitate toward gay men.

a german couple overheard kellyn and i at dinner and told me i was raising her right.

socrates cafe is my current favorite book, hence the fancying of philosophy.

i am taking notes for a woman with cerebral palsy. my notes also serve as doodle/personal thought space.

i once jumped between two train cars in order to avoid getting home the long way. in 4 1/2 inch heels too.

at the top of my wish list is an online subscription to the oed. i finally found the verb form of tangent and intend to work it into my vocabulary.

i always keep my hair pulled up and off my face. there is usually a pencil stuck in there for easy access.

i never use my alarm clock. my cell phone has a funkier melody called sashay.

i made a pair of thai fisherman pants from bright orange fabric. i don't usually jog at night.

i go to the fair for one reason. tiger ears.

i am returning to bed. three hours is better than none, but after the coffee and smoke, i do not hold out much hope for any sleep tonight.

all awake and no place to go

it's 3 a.m. and i am blissfully sleeping in my little bed when i am roused by the god damn csi theme song eminating from the neighbors window. the god damn train whistle that follows merely solidifies my alert state.

# !@%$&! *

(*god damn mother fucking shit bollocks, i have school in a few hours!)

so now what?

in the gloating

one of my classes requires a large textbook that runs apx. $120 new in the book store. i, having learned about how newer editions of certain books work, ordered an older edition online for $8.77. (this included shipping, so the book itself was $2.98) when the professor introduced the book, he mentioned that an older edition would work just fine and i, victorious, sliently clapped once and turned to the guy sitting next to me, with his expensive book in pristine condition, and whispered "i got mine online for $3" while waving three fingers close to my face. that little stunt earned me a glare and most likely a non study buddy/contact.

what is ultimately satisfying, however, is cheating the bastards that mark the god damn books up in the first place, raping every poor student that enters. on the other hand, if the students aren't taking the time to do a bit of research, then maybe they deserve it.

stooping to folly

few things exist that trump being lied to; for the culitvated trust is not only extinguished on the side of the lied to, but therefore never truly existed on the side of the liar, which only exacerbates the bitterness.

and i saw
heard
smelled
it coming;
i felt it coming and still i cried like a little girl. but not for long.

never for very long.

the reasonable wait i mentioned two weeks ago, has expired.

devising a plan B? look elsewhere.

waiting for an apology is futile; focus on worthier pursuits. dum spiro spero implies anticipation, so...

to do:

• buy school supplies

• find roasted red peppers in a can

• relegate latin motto to bin

and one final thought from the waste land:

She turns and looks a moment in the glass,
Hardly aware of her departed lover;
Her brain allows one half-formed thought to pass:
'Well now that's done: and I'm glad it's over.'
When lovely woman stoops to folly and
Paces about her room again, alone,
She smoothes her hair with automatic hand,
And puts a record on the gramophone.

-t.s. eliot

i'll take one...to go

in the desert
i saw a creature, naked, bestial,
who, squatting upon the ground,
held his heart in his hands,
and ate of it.
"is it good, friend?"
"it is bitter- bitter," he answered;
"but i like it
because it is bitter,
and because it is my heart."

-stephen crane

summer ketchup

i have informed kellyn she is no longer allowed to hold summer because she spills it all over the place and now we only have one week left.

random summer shots and blurbs to follow...

image by syndie a.

my highschool reunion; lame overall with very few personal changes. thank god angie and annabeth were there to spice things up a bit. we played "who got fat" "who's a mormon bishop" and "harass cameron," the jack-ass who's had this inexplicable hatred for me for over 20 years ever since third grade when i sat across from and in reply to my cheerful "hi!" on the first day of school said, "you're ugly." i told him at the reunion that when i don't hear from him, i cut myself.

image by syndie a.

this is tim and jonny b. at tim's 30th birthday party. jonny got tim a.. er.. magazine to celebrate. here, they are perusing the pages.

image by syndie a.

this is krista daintily sipping tea at jill's annual "when the lilacs bloom" tea party. jilly makes the best (long island iced) tea, which i proved by having several cups.

image by syndie a.

this was jonny b's boat after a float down the buffalo river. there are more cans, except my camera can only do so much when pitted against a champion bud drinker.

come back to camden

ricky blogs about missing england, which to me, four months later, is becoming more and more like a dream; a fading, wispy dream that wrinkles my brow in consternation as i attempt to remember if it actually happened...

"do you remember barefoot on the lawn with shooting stars? do you remember the lovin' on the floor in belsize park..."

i invented post-its

tomorrow i will make my way to pocatello for my ten year highschool reunion. i have watched romy and michele's highschool reunion and burned a compliation cd of high school hits that include beck's loser and coolio's gangsta's paradise, which i have subjected myself and kellyn to all week long. i am ready.
i don't quite know what to expect, but i know that i have changed and will go with the attitude that maybe most of the folks i ran around pocatello high school have as well. if not, there's always cranberry and vodka as well as my bff from highschool, angie kelley, to help lubricate the evening.

"and i invented them all by myself. all michele said was how about making them yellow."

now that's awareness

syndie: i love you kellyn.
kellyn: even when i'm a teenager?
syndie: you know it.
kellyn: i love you too. when i'm a teenager, i'll act like i don't love you, but i still will.

one month later...

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america, fuck yeah!

image by syndie a.

in true trailer trash fashion, jonny b. and i, (okay, mostly jonny) constructed this fantastic rocket launcher for a fire works extravaganza that took place on the third. much pain and suffering went into the process, which included me using the chop saw and having an entire string of firecrackers being ignited from the sparks emitted from the saw. with the garage being sealed while we worked, the noise and smoke produced caused me to pee a little. i thought i had broken the saw. jonny rolled around the floor laughing, while i tried to breathe through the heart attack i was having.

we then moved it from the garage into the yard where we performed a series of quality control tests. after some minor tweaking, it was ready. folks showed up, fuses were lit, beer was drank in massive quantities, and a good time was had by all...

thinking back

rick and rui blogged about what they miss in plymouth and i thought i'd chime in with my two bits. i think what i miss the most is the spontenaiety, the ablility to just spur of the moment gather together with one or ten friends for tea, conversation, or a full fledged function. i have tried to replicate this here and on the weekends it works fairly well with certain friends for certain things. it always works with kellyn, which is comforting and we have a great time dropping whatever we're doing for a ride around the green belt or a dip in the river or a random fart fight, which despite what she says, i always win. i also miss the people i became quite close to while there, and you know who you are. informal shout out to the international coalition.
less substantial misses: the sea, better food selection for vegan/vegetarians, being in a prime location for other european travel, smaller filters for rolling my own fags, london, and stopping at the local spar for a freddo frog and chardalusco.
cheers, mates.

living in the ghetto

we are officially living in the ghetto, however, we now have some cool neighbors so it's not so bad. we do have other neighbors, a father/son combo who screamed profanity at us for music on at 4 p.m., another who begged me not to call the police when her man was sporting a 3 inch bloody slash from a knife fight, and the benign windchime lady who loves loves loves butterflies.
in addition, i can hear everything the people in the next apartment over are doing, and i mean everything, and they do everything at least twice a week, there is a suicidal kitty on the third floor, and i've seen the idaho falls crime scene investigation unit on not one but two occasions. i've even been mistaken, twice, for another cindy someone who used to live here and is wanted for something but she's like 54 years old and i keep telling the police that i am a different syndie, a younger syndie, a stay out of trouble/jail syndie, but they keep coming...

fun for a girl and a boy!

some people are like slinkies.....not really good for anything, but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the stairs...

summer reading

have purchased harmful to minors: the perils of protecting children from sex, by judith levine. received great reviews, so here's to a (clentch your thumbs) great read. stay tuned for a review. other books that are finished, almost finished, and yet to be finished include the following:

* better off by eric brende
* our right to drugs by thomas stephen szasz
* cunt: a declaration of independence by inga musico
* the sexual outlaw by john rechy
* failure is impossible by lynn sherr with susan b. anthony in her own words

of course kellyn has her own list including books from the henry and mudge series as well as that wacky junie b. jones who reminds me of a toned down pippi longstocking, one hell of a girl who kicks ass by the way. i heart pippi.

reviews to follow... after the men's world cup of course... go england!

crazy dream: take two

dreamt i was being hunted by happy tree friends. don't know what this is? google it.

quote of the day

cowardice asks the question, 'is it safe?'
expediency asks the question, 'is it politic?'
vanity asks the question, 'is it popular?'
but conscience asks the question, 'is it right?'

and there comes a point when one must take a
position that is neither safe, nor politic, nor popular,
but one must take it because one's conscience
tells one that it is right.

-Martin Luther King, Jr.

compensation?

image by syndie a.

uh.. excuse me, but i believe i requested the extra large tiara.

welcome to salt lake city gay pride 2006, which lacked the energy of events in the past. there was a decent turnout, however, the folks participating looked as if they would rather be curled up at home with a tall glass of ice tea and a nearly naked pool boy/girl. i kept waiting for the energy levels to pick up but they never did.

i was also disturbed by the commercialization. "want a mortgage?" "get a credit card and get a free tote bag!" the little speciality booths, like the CTL ring maker, were extremely scant. it's as if the gay community is being preyed upon under the guise of support. disgusting.

birth of a bull rider

image by syndie a.

screw the mechanical bull, kellyn and i have an exercise ball, which provides hours of similar entertainment right in our own home.

look this up in your dream dictionary!

dreamed i was in a wilson philips cover band last night... had thai food before bed... don't know if the two are related.

"baby let's cruise, away from here..."

behold, proof of the vicious biker gang that calls idaho falls it's base. i'd watch out for the one with the trike.

image by syndie a.

sometimes you can build your own for the "annual cruise to jenny lake trip on your crazy bike" and it doesn't work out so well. this does not happen to jonny b. ever.

image by someone i don't know

and see what i meant about the trike riders?!

image by syndie a.

field-trippin'

image by syndie a.

the above plant was seen at town and country gardens. i learned about the sempervivum arachnoideum or "cobweb houseleek" on a field trip with kellyn's class the other day. i only wish it could be grown large enough to trap small children. and then digest them. slowly. (not kellyn of course, she's divine... all others, however, would be fair game.)

fencing part two

a buddy of mine, who shall remain nameless, showed up at my flat late last night with an odd attachment on his vehicle. it seems he, in his intoxicated state, mowed down a fence and those fences, they do not go down easy if they go down at all. this particular one, 30 some odd feet including two large wooden posts, latched on to the front underside of my friend's truck and hitched a ride through town until he arrived at my place where i assisted him, mostly by shaking my head and giggling, in figuring out how to detach the mess of wire and barbs. i can only logically conclude the fences have moved onto phase two of their plan where they exact their revenge on those who have sat on them entirely too long.

fencing part one

i now need wrist implants because some genius city planner decided a steel cable fence was a good idea to place on the edge of a parking lot. thinking i was pretty cool and belting out filthy/gorgeous lyrics from the scissor sisters, i happened upon said fence yesterday. our meeting left my basket mangled, my bell, my precious bell, in shambles, my handle bars inverted, and my wrists, my poor wrists swollen to the size of small lemons. let the pity begin. heal my ego, shattered by the 10 or so cars full of people who witnessed the spectacle, who no doubt had several good laughs on my account. if there had been alcohol involved, i would have some sort of excuse. as it stands, i was just good old plain not paying attention.

your mom causes friction

pam blogs about a smart mom here. it's worth a read and what i want to know is how on one hand this mother can say what she did and then listen to fall out boy with their lyrics such as "oh don't mind me, i'm watching you two from the closet, wishing to be the friction in your jeans." i like fall out boy and i'm pretty sure anyone who knows me well will atest to the fact that not much offends me, including the afroementioned song lyrics.
what does offend or rather confuses me is this woman's conflicting ideals. tolerance bad, jean friction good? more selective doctrine is the only answer i can come up with. same strategy employed by many a religious fanatic. cheers, kudos, and massive props to fall out boy for sticking to their "god-complex loaded" guns.

stupid questions

kellyn: "mommy, i have to ask you something but it's probably stupid."
syndie: "honey, there's no such thing as a stupid question."
kellyn: "did you pee today?"
syndie: "did i what?! pee today?!"
kellyn: "see? there is such a thing as a stupid question!"
syndie: "good point."

in the words of our beloved queen...

image by syndie a.

bicycle! bicycle! bicycle!
i want to ride my
bicycle! bicycle! bicycle!
i want to ride my bicycle,
i want to ride my bike,
i want to ride my bicycle,
i want to ride it where i like

net neutrality

kinda important, so pay attention.

new york times editorial: "Cable and telephone companies that provide Internet service are talking about creating a two-tiered Internet, in which Web sites that pay them large fees would get priority over everything else.

But this democratic Internet would be in danger if the companies that deliver Internet service changed the rules so that Web sites that pay them money would be easily accessible, while little-guy sites would be harder to access, and slower to navigate. Providers could also block access to sites they do not like.

The House Energy and Commerce Committee defeated a good Net-neutrality amendment last week. But the amendment got more votes than many people expected, suggesting that support for Net neutrality is beginning to take hold in Congress. In the Senate, Olympia Snowe, a Maine Republican, and Byron Dorgan, a North Dakota Democrat, are drafting a strong Net-neutrality bill that would prohibit broadband providers from creating a two-tiered Internet. Senators who care about the Internet and Internet users should get behind it."

imperative if we wan't to maintain internet equality.

more marriage blah blah blah

Mr. R.L. Fulk wrote a good letter on the Constitution stating that constitutions do not ban individual actions such as marriage. However, there are marriage laws that place limits on marriage such as age and provide for parental support of children. Tax laws and business practices should be changed to focus on dependent children. The tax laws recognize that it is less expensive for two in the same household than in separate households, but a marriage license should not be the basis for a tax advantage. We should have the same standards for gay couples as we do for “straight” couples. We cannot enforce bedroom activity, but we must not diminish the purpose and sanctity of marriage by legalizing same-sex marriage.

GLEN BRISCOE
Rigby

mister briscoe, right up to that last sentence, you sound as if you are in favor, then you turn at the last second and mention having the same standards for all couples! how can you want similar standards and then immediatly follow with "oh wait, what i meant was, i want different standards for the one group, my bad..."

and the purpose and sanctity of marriage? tell me what exactly is the purpose of marriage? love, money, kids, companionship, tax relief, citizenship; do tell. and the sanctity? puh-lease, if marriages are so holy, why don''t more of them last?

so tired of hearing about marriage period. it's an antiquated institution that has morphed into a mutli-million dollar industry. all this talk about marriage only serves to reinforce the belief that the only valid relationship that exists it the one sealed with a minister's kiss.

hey rob reiner! why don't you "butt out!"

she said it was the one thing she did for herself
and i muttered something about easier ways to commit suicide.

“look, that man has a birth defect…
he has a butt growing out of his hand!”

thin gray swirls contort otherwise
pleasant faces that refuse to drop the issue
breaking into cacophonous coughing,
a not too subtle suggestion to extinguish.

“you’re gonna die.”

so are you.

-syndie a.

barebacking

up till now i have been a safe blogger; using a condom when i post so that i dare not offend or shock or repulse. well, play time's over kids. school is in session and while recess will always play a significant role, i'm going to bareback it once in a while. thanks to blandella, thanks to pam, and thanks to molly who read, research and get people thinking and talking; you inspire me.

first up, i have been back in idaho three weeks and am beginning to re-adjust to the culture or lack thereof as i continue to maintain that the cultural scene here is like kirsten dunst's acting skills, practically non-existent. i have returned with a nose ring, a smoking habit, and a healthy repulsion of ignorance and intolerance. for once, i was on the receiving end of bigotry, hated because i am american. no other reason, just that. there was no getting to know me before the loathing took effect, just hearing the dialect was enough to brand me as a stupid american for life. and head's up folks, the holier than thou attitude a lot of us wear with smug satisfaction is not appreciated elsewhere in the world and you may think that everyone loves an american but you are in serious wrong answer land if you do.

but that's a tangent for another post. swearing is the direction i want to go in now and i want to keep on trucking that way until i wrap my car around a tree. what is the big fucking deal? yeah, i said it. fucking. and i'll say it again. fucking. i have more, just let me get warmed up. bitch, cunt, ass, shit, damn, and all the variations one can make from each individual word. and that's what they are, words.

here's some quotes i've collected from friends and associates:

"when i was a kid, i didn't mind if my dad swore, but i couldn't handle hearing my mother swear."

"no one should swear in front of women and children."

"swearing means you are seriously lacking in vocabulary."

in a new york times article "almost before we spoke, we swore" by natalie angier:

Researchers point out that cursing is often an amalgam of raw, spontaneous feeling and targeted, gimlet-eyed cunning. When one person curses at another, they say, the curser rarely spews obscenities and insults at random, but rather will assess the object of his wrath, and adjust the content of the "uncontrollable" outburst accordingly.

Because cursing calls on the thinking and feeling pathways of the brain in roughly equal measure and with handily assessable fervor, scientists say that by studying the neural circuitry behind it they are gaining new insights into how the different domains of the brain communicate - and all for the sake of a well-venomed retort.

Evidence also suggests that cursing can be an effective means of venting aggression and thereby forestalling physical violence.

"Time and again, people have told me that cursing is a coping mechanism for them, a way of reducing stress," he [dr. jay] said in a telephone interview. "It's a form of anger management that is often underappreciated."

the entire article offers some much needed insight into cursing and personally i'd much rather have someone go off on me verbally, calling me every name in the expletive book than have them sneak away quietly and return with a very large gun. stop being offended by words and be offended by something that means something like poverty. and i'm talking about the hidden poverty that lives down the street living measly paycheck to measly paycheck with no health insurance. be offended by that and do something to eradicate that. attempting to sanitize a constantly evolving entity like a language is futile and a waste of time; find a more productive cause already.

i can already hear a comment being formed out there somewhere, "what about racial and gender biased language?" i have, no surprise here, something to say about that as well, but i will wait until i feel like going unprotected again or someone brings it up.

so that's it, i swear. komm damit klar. i also know what perspicacious means and can use it in a sentence, just ask me.

groan elicitor alert

this is my own take on blandella's hommage to skype. and no "simon says" jokes under penalty of a texas chili bowl. (refer to southpark for definition)

simon says: shut your trap
syndie says: that was kinda cheesy
simon says: don't get catty with me
syndie says: i furbid you to talk to me like that
simon says: oh- you're in a vole lotta trouble misses
simon says: shrew you
syndie says: well you are acting the tame way i am!
simon says: i give up- i may as well go to the gym and start vermin up
syndie says: fleas tell me you have something better than that!
simon says: i don't- I must be getting a bit tom-and-jerry-atric
syndie says: you mouse be needing some incontinance pants then...
simon says: i'll just burrow yours
syndie says: hmmm.. i'll have to paws at the store to pick some up, because im fresh out
simon says: remember to keep the receit and i'll pay the gerbill
syndie says: nah dont furry about it... consider it a purrsonal favor
simon says: ah thanks- can you get them to me soon though as i'm in a bit of a scurry
syndie says: sure if im not scampered in any way
syndie says: beclaws that happens sometimes
simon says: when you deliver, you're welcome to join me for some vodka, gin or whisker
simon says: we can then get drunk and tell tails
syndie says: and since my birthday is on sunday you can wish me a hoppy one!
simon says: rodent that be nice
syndie says: purrfect darjeling
simon says: i'll put some drinks on ice then or in the chinchilla compartment
syndie says: manx a lot! i like my drinks cold.
syndie says: i like hard liquor too, do you have any absinian?
simon says: no- that's illegal here. You can only buy it in Hamsterdam
syndie says: aww.. rats too bad...
syndie says: oh well maybe we can listen to the spice squirrels instead

musical magic 8 ball winamp style

blandella seems to think the holy ipod has a monopoly on divining powers, however, i would like to offer winamp answers to the same questions he asked of his shuffling ipod and then the internet public can decide where the true power lies. in order to fully understand what this is all about, please first read ricky's post here and then check out rui's here.

1. how does the world see you?
macy gray - relating to a psychopath
so the mighty winamp knew about a certain nickname i picked up five years ago and began to affix to everything i worked on creatively.. sycosyndie..

2. will i have a happy life?
josh rouse - quiet town
i came back to idaho falls.. what's more quiet than that? it is what i wanted and since i believe we make our own happiness, then winamp wipes the floor with ipod.

3. what do my friends really think of me?
tori amos - girl
"maybe one day she'll be her own..." looks like my friends are rooting for me, hoping i am able to bypass the "white coats" tori speaks about at then end of the song.

4. do people secretly lust after me?
ryan adams - hotel chelsea nights
someone pining for someone else? yeah.. i'm going to go ahead and say the answer is yes, but it's winamp who's calling it.

5. how can i make myself happy?
fat joe fest terror squad - lean back
i am going to be happy as a limbo queen? as long as it's not on rollerskates, then i'm cool with that.

6. what should i do with my life?
the new pornographers - these are the fables
english major.. writing.. makes sense. too bad winamp is about a year behind because of the recent switch of focus i've made. the first demerit for winamp although i think ipod did the same thing with rick...so no big loss there.

7. will i ever have children?
nancy sinatra - bang bang
well i do have a six year old.. and while i call her my baby, i sure as hell hope she doesn't shoot me down!

8. what is some good advice for me?
scandal - goodbye to you
i know what this one means; don't really want to comment on it, but thank you to the gloriousness that is the winamp, i knew that was the answer. oh ipod, you've drooled all over yourself again.

9. how will i be remembered?
lil kim feat. fifty cent - magic stick
oh dear... being remembered for a magic stick.. bad winamp! bad!

10. what is my signature dancing song?
annie - little girls
uh.. loose interpretation possible #1: everywhere i look are little girls.. little lipgloss covered barbies trying to hog my light while i drop it like it's hot.

11. what do i consider my current theme song?
nine days - story of a girl
i would have liked the spiderman theme music but since this is what the mystical winamp has dealt... i am a girl and this is my story. lame.

12. what do others consider my current theme song?
collin raye - one girl one boy
oh hell no! not in this girl's immediate, and most likely long-term, future.

13. what song will play at my funeral?
my chemical romance - cemetery drive
this one, as well as all the others, honestly came up randomly for this question!

14. what type of lover do i like?
air - caramel prisoner
i gotta leave this one alone because of who've i've invited to read this blog, but safe to say, points to winamp again.

15. what is my day going to be like?
lit - miserable
now how could winamp possibly know that today would suck? without going into detail and based on an erased thought, it has been one of those days, inevitable for sure, but still sucks.

okay, now it's up to the audience to cast their votes. may the best musical magic 8 ball win (amp).

son of a bench

image by syndie a.

apparently, while i was away, downtown idaho falls installed some benches created by various local artists. kevin was thrilled to model this particular bench as shown in the above photo.

april showers

image by syndie a.

back in idaho thinking spring would welcome me with sun, daffodils, and warm wind. i've been stood up...