a promise

i do solemnly swear that i will never again be anyone's plan b.

here ends the promise making.

distracting

that's the reason why i have deleted my "myspace."

all summer i have focused on elements and people that have ultimately rendered me a jumbled mess.

now entering into a period of refocusing.

i'm wearing your shorts d.d. i won't say you're golfing in heaven or that i'll see you again because you know i don't believe that.

i will say that you were one of the most kind-hearted men i knew and i'm sorry for the blatant avoidance. you treated me like gold and even k.a. remembers how you patiently taught her to jump off the rocks into the river below.

why, when you were normally so responsible, did you jump on that bike when you knew the long islands numbered in the double digits?

and why was it you? is should have been someone else. an asshole in fact. you were not an asshole.

the shorts fit perfectly now and the river is higher than i remember. i've wasted so much time with a fuckface and a nice guy dies.

the universe was broken this week.

on growing a spine

mine's coming in nicely. true i had to use a letter, but face to face proved ineffective in the past and the risk of becoming emotional and backing out was too great.

i'm not angry. just defeated, but relieved.

goodbye j.b. and good luck.