just talking things out

during the week, i feel i am amazing, productive, and focused. then the weekend hits and i fall apart. i don't know what to do with myself and i make stupid choices and then i lie about them and it all unravels like a wal-mart sweater and it's getting worse... until today. in the last two weeks, i have become estranged from my two best friends, logic and reason.

i have to quit someone and the first step is admitting, right?

im in love with _______.

there. admitted.

now what?

imagine life with _______. within six months, where would i be? i would become one of the disgusting weak women i despise and want to violently shake into some sense.

say hello to alcoholism.
say hello to smoking two packs a day.
say hello to television.
say goodbye to independence.
say goodbye to veganism.
say goodbye to writing.

i quit. and none of this friends business because this is not how i interact with my other friends. we lean on each other, we support each other, we share in victory and defeat, it's give and take and with ______, it's always about his victories, his defeats, his foibles, his issues, his concerns, his plans, his food, his hobbies, his desires, his friends, his dog, his wants, his needs, his his his.

ah.. emotion, that treacherous siren, quietly yet seductively encroaches and unpacks, first leaving behind a toothbrush, then a change of underwear, and then suddenly the klimts are replaced with savage garden posters and chintz curtains hang in place of wooden blinds. then it's too late, for self has succumbed to her wiles.

im inviting reason and logic over for dinner tonight for a long needed chat about how to curb emotion's penchant for dominance.

where's my inner rosie? reaching deep into my feminist training for every tool, every device, every theory to keep logic and reasoning well into the night and every night.