asda adventure: the beginning

image by syndie a.

having an entire sunday to pass, the brave, bored travelers, rick baggins and syndie wise gamgee, in search of cheap china-made plastic, made their way from the safety of the st. teresa shire and into the depths of mt. plymouth.

along the way, they were tempted by a mumbling wizard and his gnomish wife who were traveling by white vauxhall. the wizard warned the heroes that several miles still lay ahead of them and turning back would be more wise. undaunted, master rick and syndie wise continued to the texaco of no return where they confirmed their directions. they then passed through the devon caves where strange markings such as "chavs suck" adorned the walls.

with full bladders, the explorers paid the all-knowing oracle of generic gas station a visit. as they warmed their hands by her hand dryer, she warned the heroes that the hill preceding the asda was treacherous and that the gates of asda were closed. after a brief discussion, the travelers decided that since they had come so far, they might as well ascend the last hill and behold the palace of asda, which is owned by the devious entity, wal-mart.

breathless, they stood atop the mountain and gazed disappointedly at the diminutive shopping center that is the plymouth asda; the gates were indeed closed for the night. wearily, the hobbits took refuge inside a shelter to consume the last of their provisions in preparation for the return journey. surrounded by the thick cloak of night, they contemplated the two-hour trek home; neither one was too eager to start, when a magic luck dragon miraculously appeared.

true, the dragon is slightly out of context at this point, but our heroes were not about to ask questions, especially when the dragon’s sign read "city center" and the fare was a mere pound eighty-five. returning to the shire, the travelers vowed to never rest until they were able to stride through the gates of asda and behold the plastic glory they so desired. they penciled in another try on friday, so stay tuned.